Ai suru Hito o Mamoru Tame ni To Defend The One H
by thisisit
Summary: Kenshin's thoughts after the Jinchuu Arc... finished after studying for a bio midterm. Will contain spoilers!


AN: KxK ^.^ something different. Spoilers in Jinchuu Arc.  
  
Disclaimer: nope. Don't own any of the characters. Nor the title hehehee.  
  
Ai suru Hito o Mamoru Tame ni [To Defend The One He Loves]  
  
  
  
Your gentle breathing gives me solace in the nightmares that still haunt my life.  
  
Every night, I dream of your broken body on the floor. Every night my mind still screams, over and over again, how I could not defend the one I love.  
  
That vision is still so clear in my mind, like it happened yesterday. Enishi had wanted me to go through the same pain he did when I killed Tomoe. And I did.  
  
What was the point of living if I can't protect the one dearest to me? Why fight at all when I have lost the true reason I had to fight? Why learn Hiten Mitsurugi when I knew that it would only end up killing the people I cared so much about?  
  
You, Kaoru-dono, and Tomoe. Both meant so much to me, and then taken away by me.  
  
Why? Constant questions. You had nothing to do with this. You were brought into this because you became involved in this, no, my, problem because of my carelessness.  
  
Just like her. She was brought into my world because I killed her fiancé. I took away the very thing I vowed to protect.  
  
I remember meeting her, and her words are still so clear in my mind:  
  
"You.You're the one who makes it rain blood."  
  
I remember going through the snow leaving a trail of blood behind me as I went to find her. Save her. Protect her.  
  
And I remember killing her. Her death is still fresh in my mind. And I can't forget. Nor can I forgive myself and move on.  
  
But when I met you, Kaoru-dono, your vibrant attitude has allowed me to move on. Do you remember?  
  
"I don't want the Battousai! I want the Rurouni!"  
  
I should've left, and continue to be the Rurouni I am. I should not bring danger to the person who I cherish the most. I should be protecting you from it.  
  
But. But I am glad he didn't kill you. I'm glad he did not take you away from me. I don't think I'll live if he did.  
  
And I almost didn't. I drowned myself in memories of your laughter, or your vivacious attitude towards life.  
  
I drowned myself in memories of your smile.  
  
And nothing could pull me out.  
  
Sanosuke, and Yahiko. even Tsubame begged me to snap out of the hole that just kept getting deeper and deeper. A hole I dug for myself as that image of the scar on your face rewound itself over and over again.  
  
Your shifting brings me out of my thoughts, and I can't believe how lucky I am.  
  
And a smile sits on my lips as I stroke a strand of hair away from your face, and my hand brushes your cheek lightly, as if I try not to wake you up, but I have to feel, just to make sure this isn't my nightmare again.  
  
And every time I feel your smooth skin under my hand, I still feel relief flood over me.  
  
I'm glad I made it on time.  
  
I'm glad I found you.  
  
I'm glad. I'm glad you didn't ask me to leave.  
  
Do you remember, Kaoru-dono? When you stopped me in the middle of the street and demanded to fight me, not even realizing who I was. You were so naïve back then, so innocent, not really knowing who the Hitokiri Battousai was, and not realizing the danger he possessed. And you rushed into the fight. Headstrong. Smart. Beautiful.  
  
I will probably always blame myself for not leaving that day, after defeating Hiruma Gohei and his brother. It was safer to leave. The people who wished to challenge me used you as my weakness. Jin-Ei. As did Enishi.  
  
And I wish. I wish that we could've just lived peacefully. There are so many things I wish for. And one is to protect your happiness, just as I tried to protect Tomoe's.  
  
My thoughts are on the present now. And I promise, Kaoru-dono, I will protect your happiness.  
  
I fought to protect your smile.  
  
I fought to protect her smile.  
  
I fought to make you both smile, and in the end.  
  
Tomoe smiles for my happiness.  
  
And you smile for me. 


End file.
